It was supposed to be a joke. But the wailing sirens and flashing blue lights told a different story as the ambulance and police car crammed into the tiny cul-de-sac.
Young Teddy Hamilton stood over the lifeless body of Mrs Fenwick, unsure whether to run or try pummelling her chest again.
As the policeman approached, Teddy stepped outside his body and surveyed the scene. The woman lying dead, his fake blood-soaked hospital scrubs, which he had thought were awesome, now seemed childish. He’d aged a few years in the last few seconds.
‘It was supposed to be a joke.’
***
This piece was written for the Friday Fictioneers hosted by the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields – Addicted to Purple.
Each week a photo prompt is given and the challenge is write a flash fiction piece of no more than one hundred words.
Find other Friday Fictioneer stories here.
I felt the remorse
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Thanks Neil.
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That’s really well written, Jen.
I like your use of repetition (haha! seen any repetition in our mutual comments?!), which is different from mine. Yours is very subtle, because it allows the line to resonate to so many different emotions; remorse from Teddy; incredulity that anyone could be so daft from the policeman; posthumous forgiveness from Mrs Fenwick, perhaps; incredulity that things could have gone so badly wrong, maybe.
And the rest of the story is beautifully judged too, for pace and fluency.
Nice work!
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A prank gone wrong. I felt his anxiety.
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Thanks Sandra.
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I love this, beginning to end. What a lesson Teddy learned. I hope Mrs. Fenwick can be saved.
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Thanks so much. The outlook is grim for poor Mrs Fenwick I think.
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Definitely a danger at Halloween, I’ve noticed the costumes getting more realistic and disturbing over recent years – I’m sure this has probably happened.
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True Iain. They can be terrifying!
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Poor Teddy, I love the line ‘He’d aged a few years in the last few seconds’
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Thank you Siobhan 🙂
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its all gone terribly wrong, we’ve all been there except maybe not exactly .. there!
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Ha! Thanks for reading 🙂
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I suppose they could require signs at certain decorated houses , to warn those with heart conditions, etc., like they do on crazy amusement park rides. But it may have just been her time. I know a haunted house event we went to scared my socks off. Not so fun, now, as it was at 15.
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I have always wanted to go to a haunted house event, but I also imagine I’d be terrified. Ha. Thanks for reading 🙂
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I was thinking the same as Siobhan… brilliant line, that.
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The prank went a little bit too far this time. Very well written story.
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Great emotions in this piece. Well-written.
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I love Teddy stepping outside his body to survey the scene. Really good writing.
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