Mary-Jane placed her small bag of belongings in the little rowing boat that rocked on the lapping water at the edge of the jetty. She had brought her favourite things; her fluffball-topped pen, her unicorn notepad, and the jewellery box with the dancing ballerina.
She only had to make it to the island. One and a half miles of water, and the monsters would never catch her again.
She picked up the oar and paddled, firm and smooth, keeping her body low. A black shadow formed below her. A white light beckoned from the island.
Not much further.
***
This piece was written for the Friday Fictioneers hosted by the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields – Addicted to Purple.
Each week a photo prompt is given and the challenge is write a flash fiction piece of no more than one hundred words.
Find other Friday Fictioneer stories here.
I liked the atmosphere in this and the way you evoked the child’s mentality
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Thanks Neil! 🙂
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Nicely built tension, and we are left wondering.
Are the monsters real?
Does she escape?
Neatly done.
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Thanks very much!
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Lovely little childhood fairytale. I wonder if the physical monsters are a manifestation of something worse that she is fleeing.
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I think you’re spot on Iain. Thanks for reading 🙂
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Lovely detail of her treasured possessions.
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Thank you.
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I saw a child fleeing a war zone, I hope she makes it.
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Thanks Michael. me too.
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Dear Jennifer,
Ominous. By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes. Good build of tension.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thank you Rochelle 🙂
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Great story. Loved the mystery it evoked.
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Thanks Mike 🙂
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Very nicely done. Leaves a lot of questions.
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Thank you.
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Great story, with hints of hope through a lugubrious sense of foreboding. Did she make it to the island?
Well done.
Best wishes,
Rowena
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Poor child, I hope she escapes! NIghtmares? Real monsters? We’ll never know.
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You can decide 🙂 Thanks for reading.
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Eerie story. The dark shape above her head. I’m assuming Dragon, but…
And funny thing, I don’t see this as a young girl/child. More like a teen/early 20’s feel, for me.
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Thank you. I love how everyone gets a different feel from a story.
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The shadow below sounds so ominous… maybe the monsters are for real… some actually are. I loved how you used the symbols of a small girl to show how the reality.
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Thanks so much. And I agree, some monsters are very real.
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Well written; I like the way you use favourite possessions to let us know the approximate age of the girl. The monsters are more frightening for being nameless. You imagined well how the girl might think this was a way of escaping those threatening her.
Awful that so many children flee from ill-treatment and abuse.
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Thanks so much for those lovely comments Penny. There are certainly a lot of children living in fear – far too many.
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I wonder what safety awaits her on the island. We feel like we know her from her careful handling of her possessions.
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Thank you. Let’s hope it’s a magical fairy land where all her childhood dreams come true 😊
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Nicely paced. I hope she makes it.
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Thanks Sandra.
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First of all congratulations on being #1 on the Hollywood Squares of FFF authors this week.
Excellent story. You built the tension well. We’re all pulling for her.
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Thanks Russell. I did do a little fist pump when I saw I was first. Ha! Glad you liked the story.
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Nice one. Great build up and leaves the reader wanting to know more,
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Thanks very much 🙂
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A lovely balance between the ominous and the hope. Wonderful writing
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Thank you so much Carol. 🙂
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Lots of points of tension, I thought: is she running away from someone or home -both.
Of course we are left wondering if Mary-Jane will make it across the water.
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Thanks James 🙂
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I wonder what awaits on the other side
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Great writing that leaves you intrigued as to what will happen next.
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Nice take on the prompt.
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Love this Jen, it does make me want to know more about her story xxx
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Thanks Vic! xxx
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