Lola Margaret Delaware was lost. She clutched her stuffed grey bunny and chewed the top of its ear, which was threadbare and stained from the habit, and lifted her gaze to the top of the building she stood before. Stone monkeys with scrunched-up faces jutted from the corners and eyed Lola with disdain. But that didn’t put her off. She was sure her mother was inside.
Pulling bunny tighter she pushed the heavy door and stepped into a glistening white foyer. A man in a black suit and a pale face smiled from behind a counter. ‘Lola, I’m so glad you finally found us.’
***
This piece was written for the Friday Fictioneers hosted by the lovely Rochelle Wisoff-Fields – Addicted to Purple.
Each week a photo prompt is given and the challenge is write a flash fiction piece of no more than one hundred words.
Find other Friday Fictioneer stories here.
The sense of something bad about to happen is told with admirable quietness
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Thanks very much Neil! 🙂
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I got the feeling Lola was fulfilling a destiny, in an ‘Omen’-type way. Creepy!
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Thanks Iain 🙂
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Good story. Is it disdain you meant there?
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Yes, thank you! Fixed.
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Jennifer, I was intrigued to read your take on the prompt as it was along the same lines as mine: https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2018/10/24/flying-through-the-eye-friday-fictioneers/
I loved how you brought out the fear inside the lost child with her chewing on her bunny’s ear. Very emotive.
Best wishes,
Rowena
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Thanks very much Rowena … popping over to yours now 🙂
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Dear Jennifer,
You’ve left me in fear of what will happen to poor Lola Margaret. Love the way you told us she’s a child by the chewing of the bunny ears. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks very much Rochelle.
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Without mentioning one word of horror, you have left a clear impression of it hovering over this little girl. Well done.
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Thank you Linda, I was hoping to covey something a bit sinister.
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Oh oh, never enter the monkey house! Sounds like nothing good is about to go down….
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I think you’re right Trent. Thanks for reading.
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Ooh, that started so sweetly and suddenly turned so sinister. Cleverly done, Jennifer.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thanks very much Susan.
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The story has such a dark, foreboding, ominous tone to it. Let’s hope Lola at least gets to see her mother.
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Thanks Larry! We can hope.
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I think Lola Margaret Delaware is going to be just fine. Nicely done.
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An optimist! Thanks Jo 🙂
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I love how this can go either way, depending on the darkness of the reader… yet, you do seem to draw us closer to the darker side… Hallowe’en vibe, I’m thinking!
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I do need to have a Halloween story ready for next week … I may extent this a bit, see where it goes. Thanks Dale 🙂
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Ahhh… it could definitely continue from this one!
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OH! I don’t think things are going to go well for our Lola. OR she’s found what she’s been looking for. Either way, great take on the prompt.
(P.S. which were (was?) threadbare)
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It could go either way … You’re right, it should be was so i’ve changed it. This is what happens when I rush ha. Thanks 🙂
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Been there, done that, time and time again.
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A man in a dark suit welcoming her. This can only end badly.
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Love the first sentence and the chewed bunny ear. You really give us a feeling for how vulnerable she is. The man in the black suit knowing her name could mean recognition and recovery of a lost child, or final success in luring her into his lair.
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So many options! Thanks for reading 🙂
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What is Lola getting into? Something ominous!
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Or her destiny … Thanks for reading 🙂
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The story of a sad lost child suddenly turns into something dark and sinister. Nice one.
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Thank you!
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Oooo, methinks she’s finally going to fulfill her destiny by embarking on an epic quest 🙂
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That’s what I was thinking. She is destined to be there. Perhaps the start of an exciting new life! 🙂
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I liked the idea of a child finding her destiny, but could she forget her mother?
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Interesting thought James, and I don’t know the answer. Thanks for reading 🙂
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I loved the insight of this lost little girl, I could temporarily see the world through her eyes. How terrifying statues are when you are small and scared. 🙂
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What a compliment! Thanks Kristian.
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You’re welcome. I enjoyed your take on this prompt. 🙂
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There’s a tendril of menace that keeps spreading through the lines culminating with that chilling sentence. Scary and fantastic, Jennifer.
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Wow! Thanks so much Varad! 🙂
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I love the details and the sinister feel is very subtle. Nicely written!
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Thanks Brenda 🙂
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At first I was thinking Lola was a child, but then it occurred to me that she might in fact be elderly and suffering from dementia. It’s a good mysterious story to think about!
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That hadn’t even crossed my mind Penny! I love how we all see different things. Thanks! 🙂
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Who ever she is, I hope someone keeps her safe
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Me too Michael!
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Run, Lola, Run. Hope she makes it out of there. Pale-faced men are bad juju.
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Ha! Thank you! 🙂
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J-J-J-Jings, J-J-J-Jennifer, this is scary biscuits!
Expertly crafted little tale, I love it.
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Thanks so much!
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I rarely agree with C.E., but he’s absolutely right. This is both scary and expertly crafted. Well done, Jennifer.
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Thanks very much Russell 🙂
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What happens ahead, Jennifer?
Built the suspense really well! 🙂
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Thank you! At this point, anything could happen. Maybe I’ll extend it one day 🙂
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I hope you do! 🙂
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Love the mystery here.
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Thank you 🙂
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So very chilling… love the sweet bunny imagery… but the pale man is chilling…
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ooh sinister stuff ahead, I think Lola is in the wrong place
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